Apr 12 AT 2:09 PM Dustin Earley 14 Comments

CrApp of the Week: Jersey Shore x Mega Man makes me want to cry

pauly d

“FIRE UP THAT TANNING BED AND BREAK OUT THE HAIRGEL! DJ Pauly D is here with a ton of fistpumpin’ fun.” Yes! It’s just what I’ve been waiting for! A game starring Jersey Shore’s DJ Pauly D that steals heavily borrows character design from the original Mega Man series! No, no. Wait a second. This is all wrong. That’s exactly what I don’t want.

When DJ Pauly D was first brought to my attention, and I took a gander at the app listing, I was surprised. A solid 3.8 stars? I’ve used great apps that have been ranked worse than this. So I choked up the courage to drop $2 on this bad boy and hoped for the best.

Here’s the thing about DJ Pauly D – Beat that Boardwalk. The gameplay isn’t really all that bad. It’s like Streets of Rage, but without the fighting. Just moving up and down. And jumping. If I were giving this my opinion free review, I’d probably say something like, “with relatively solid gameplay, if you like Jersey Shore and have a spare $2 in your bank account, you might want to give Pauly D the game a shot.”

But this isn’t that review.

This is the review where I can barely hold back my loathing for the disgusting freak show that is Jersey Shore. Everything about the app amplifies that by about x50. From the email announcing the app (“The player did G.T.L. right when they get a ‘Guido Streak”, starting to look frail well the players know its time for ‘Going to the Gym’, and when Pauly D’s skin starts to look moon color the users know its time for ‘Going to get a tan.),’ to the app listing itself (“BOMB THE BOARDWALK! BOARDWALKERS, MUSIC AND BLING! PUMP IRON TO ACTIVATE JUICEHEAD MODE! STOP AND TAKE TAN! LAUNDROMATS KEEP YOU LOOKIN’ FLY!” yes I swear those are real quotes), everything screams, “this is what’s wrong with the youth of our nation!”

And did I mention the characters look an awful lot like the characters from the original Mega Man series? Way to stomp on my childhood.

I could never take a game like this seriously. Which is exactly why it’s the CrApp of the Week. If you’re a rich sadist, or there’s just something wrong with you, go ahead and download DJ Pauly D – Beat the Boardwalk. Or you can take my word for it. That $2 could be far better spent not doing virtual laundry, TAKING TAN and PUMPING IRON.

 

Dustin Earley: Tech enthusiast; avid gamer; all around jolly guy.

    Most Tweeted This Week

  • Angie Wimberly

    I’m ashamed to admit that I do watch the show, haha. It’s just hilarious to watch how they spend their time, but yeah, hardly anything actually happens and they just drag you along based on the hopes that something will. This seems similar, hahaha.

    • honourbound68

      their 15 minutes of fame has dragged on longer than it should have… arghhh.. i hate going to the shore and seeing the proliferation of wannabees bec of the show… i really hope that the game doesn’t sell if only for this crap to die down.

  • jonathan3579

    Err, I’ll stick to emulators. This game while humorous to read about is borderline insanity.

  • GeauxLSU

    The only thing worse than the app is the free pub it’s getting on here. You know what they say, even negative pub is good pub.

  • spazby

    speechless

  • johnnycsx

    Hahaha the last sentence gave me a good laugh!

  • Nathan D.

    Yea, I’m not getting this and megaman is way better anyways.

  • bolanrox

    yeah river city ransom = much better of a game :)

  • smeghead68

    Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!! Do not give any more of your hard earned money to Jersey Shore!!!!! You know they get royalties from this. Do anything to get that crap off the air! .

  • 500grand

    I’m actually kind of surprised Pauly D. had the good taste to do an 8bit throwback. Jersey Shore aside, it’s a pretty legit game.

  • http://androidandme.com Taylor Wimberly

    It reminded me of Crash and the Gang.

  • http://alxrock.deviantart.com alxrock

    I was thinking more along the lines of River City Ransom (same game developers: Technos Japan) but then you could use chains, baseball bats, trash cans, etc.
    I loved those games!