Aug 17 AT 10:34 AM Jess Blanchard 8 Comments

What’s the apps? Free games!

Android_apps_design

Hello, Android friends! What’s happening? This week, I dedicated some of my time to playing a few free games (big sacrifice, I know), so you can decide if they’re worth yours. There was really no method to the madness when I picked this first week’s apps; I scrolled through the Play Store and just downloaded some free games that looked cool for whatever reason. Many of you have mentioned that you have kiddos, so I did pick a couple games with kid-friendly characters.

Without further ado, I present this week’s apps:

My Muppets Showmymuppetsshow

When I downloaded this game, I was excited to play the music and light the lights. Who doesn’t love the Muppets? But, after about two days, I gave up entirely on this game. It’s a tap-and-wait game where you can build the Muppets band and accessorize the stage to make the characters “happier.” Sounds cute and all, but it’s not YOUR Muppets show; it’s Scooter’s. As your guide through the game, Scooter holds your hand the whole way, telling you what to do next and how to do it, complete with little arrows that show you where to tap. While this approach is boring and frustrating for able-brained adults, the game is still a little too complex for young kids. Plus, I was super annoyed that it made me build a concession stand on the stage. How silly is that? Impractical, I say!

 

Castle Clashcastleclash

I’m gonna be honest here: I downloaded this game because the character featured in the icon reminded me of Link (until I noticed the boobs). I’m currently playing through Wind Waker for Gamecube, and people like what’s familiar. At first, I thought I wasn’t going to like the game. But, the more I play it, the more I can’t put it down. While it is a sort of tap-and-wait, as well, there are lots of elements brought in from other games. It’s sort of an RTS-RPG hybrid in a tap-and-wait world. There’s lots to do in the game, so the waiting aspect is camouflaged well. You can train your hero and challenge other players, build and defend your castle, mine gold and harvest manna, clear dungeons and raid other players’ castles. And it doesn’t walk you through the game like you’re some kind of newbie idiot, either. In fact, I still can’t figure out exactly how to sacrifice Slime heroes. I’m definitely the kind of person where I’ll keep coming back until I’ve figured things out.

 

Steam Clansteamclan

This game is very similar to Castle Clash. I started playing Castle Clash first, so naturally I didn’t feel like I needed another, almost identical game. Steam Clan also suffers from the same hand holding issue as My Muppet Show, so I gave up on it almost immediately. It’s not as nice to look at as Castle Clash, either.

 

SpongeBob Diner Dash

spongebobdinerdash

I had a Diner Dash trial game on my Samsung Galaxy Exhibit 4G before I upgraded to the Galaxy S 4. My boyfriend used up all the demo time on it, though, so I never got to play. I thought I’d give the SpongeBob skinned version of the game a go, because I am quite a fan of a certain yellow guy who lives in a pineapple under the sea. I don’t know if it’s because I waited tables through college or because I’m totally OCD and get a kick out of color matching the customers to the chairs, but I really liked this game. And I, apparently, am one ambitious and serious Diner Dash player. Things have to go juuuuuust right for my tables. I own this game.

However, I had some serious qualms. Qualm #1: The first thing I noticed is that Squidward was the fry cook! What in the what? That is all wrong. I guess it makes sense; players would rather play as SpongeBob, especially young kiddos. That doesn’t excuse them for violating cannon in my book, though. Is there not a game where I can play as SpongeBob as a fry cook? That would be a way more funner game. Qualm #2: This game is a liarface. It’s just a demo! It didn’t say that in the title, although I was a little suspicious that there were no ads in the game. When my trial ran out, the game wanted $2.99 (marked down from $4.99). $4.99?! No way, Jose. I don’t want to relive the 5 years I spent in food service that badly. AND, apparently you can get it for $1.99 directly from the Play Store, so why is it more expensive to purchase in-app? Tricksy developerses.

 

Zombie World Warzombieworldwar

I was saddened by how disappointed I was in this game. It looked so shiny and nice. I thought it was going to be good. But it was bad, so bad. The premise of the game is that you are the only person left on Earth, expect for the hot chick in the loading screen, I presume. So, I guess you’re killing roughly 7 billion zombies just for her, so that the two of you can repopulate the planet single-handedly in an inbred orgy of plot holes and poor writing. I mean, really. If you’re the only dude left, what’s even the point of trying to fight your way out of the zombie apocalypse?

Anyway, crappy premise aside, the gameplay is boring and repetitive. They should have just called this game “Put Your Finger Where The Zombies Are.” You have unlimited ammo for the world’s most insanely accurate and powerful menagerie of guns, and you just drag your finger to Scarface the ever lovin’ crap out of zombie clones. I got bored after 2 minutes, because, as awesome as blowing zombies to bits can be, this game managed to make it not fun.

 

BONUS ROUND: Bike Race, Clay Jambikerace

Because I did such a resoundingly unstellar job of picking apps this week, I just wanted to mention a few games that I do love and play often. I play Bike Race on my phone, and it is super fun. It harkens back to the days of Excite Bike, but uses the Z-axis as the main physics control. You tilt and balance your phone to keep your little duder or dudette upright and rollin’. It gets hard fast, so practice patience. Find the zen of Bike Race.

 

clayjamClay Jam is the first game I ever played on my Nexus 7, and it gave me feelings of joy and giddiness I thought had been lost long years ago. It’s like a claymation Katamari, and it is fun, fun, fun! I would recommend this game for human persons ages 6 and up. There’s nothing inappropriate for younger humans, and they would really enjoy the colors and characters, but I think they would face difficulties passing the levels. That frustration never leads to a good gaming experience for youngsters, and parents would probably wind up having to beat the levels for them, anyway. The only bad thing I have to say about this game is that it’s put out by Zynga. (Isn’t it fun to hate Zynga?).

 

Alright, buddies! Be sure to sound off below and let us know what some of your favorite games are. We’d like to make this a weekly weekend feature, too, so if there are any apps or categories of apps you’d like to see covered in the coming weeks, be sure to leave a comment.

Words are hard. I word good.

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