Sep 20 AT 2:19 PM Franklin Clinton 82 Comments

[PG-13] iFruit Frustrations: Rockstar act like they don’t know


Y’all mothers need to recognize. Ain’t y’all bitches know how to read a CHART? Look at this shit:


Sixy-eight-point-god-damn-four percent of the world. Why ain’t I got that iFruit for MY ANDROID DEVICE? I need to customize my ride, put some rims on that shit. I gotta train my DOG, man. Lamar a dumbass mother; he ain’t know how to take care of Chop. A untrained attack dog ain’t never done nothing but bad, fool. Lamar a cocky-ass SOB, too, maybe I straight ice that damn dog so bitch recognize his PLACE. Just cuz y’all parroty iPhone don’t mean they the only ones should get the goods. Plus, ain’t no way you gon’ convince me my cellphone ain’t a Sammy knock-off. Lyin’ ass bitches. Someone gonna sue y’all ass.

Fool spent FIVE DAMN YEARS building this game and can’t even get it all out at once. I may be a uneducated hood-ass gangsta, but I know it ain’t nowhere near as hard to get a app up on Google Play as to get Apple approve y’all shit. WTF, Rockstar? Is my $60 not as good as some Mac-tastic fan-boi daddy money? GIMME THE APP. I’ma blast one innocent San Andreas hooker E’RR DAY till y’all mothers get that shit out for Android. And I ain’t talkin’ ’bout no tutti saluti fake-ass shit. That app malware, fool. I’m a real O.G. and want a real O.G. app. Shit.

Loc'd out dope slangin' gangsta. Los Santos represent.

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  • Michael

    HAHA blog get hacked or something?

    • Franklin Clinton

      Naw. I mad, fool. Some ol’ bullshit.

    • Zeratoda1

      Oh man this really lighten up my day

    • shirley13

      my roomate’s mom makes $69 every hour on the laptop. She has been laid off for 7 months but last month her check was $18448 just working on the laptop for a few hours. my company………

      • Trevor Phillips

        Your roommate’s mom makes $69 every hour dancing naked for me on her laptop’s webcam. She got laid off for getting down and dirty in the men’s bathroom with me. She spent the $18448 on drugs I gave her and later died. I ran over her a few times with my Cheetah and then took off in a fighter plane. I was a wanted man for 30 seconds, now I’m a free man again.

  • Jleagle

    For a free app, Android should be priority.

  • David

    Ugh.. that was painful to read. I get the point, but I think the message gets muddled in the delivery a bit.

    • Walkop

      Seriously guys, leave him alone. Whoever down-voted this guy is a disgrace. What, he can’t have his own opinion about the clarity of an article? He can’t dislike the ridiculously excessive swearing, even if it was in satire?

      Regarding the article itself; man, developers just don’t seem to get it. We dominate the WORLD. I.e. ev-er-y-where. Give us the apps, and give it to us *first*. It’ll happen eventually, I guess.

      • Cornelius Gatsworth

        You would have thought that people reading an article for GTA5 would be used to swearing. I mean all the words he used appear every 5 minutes in the actual game.

  • Bobba

    This is the most genius thing I’ve read all month. Bravo! I bought GTA 5 last night and am also pissed there’s no iFruit app for Android. If you guys don’t get it ya just have to play the game.

  • Clark Wimberly


  • J3R3MY_H

    More posts like this please!!!

    Really well done!

    What’s Trevor have to say on the subject?

  • Nate B.

    Lmao ;)

  • Dima Aryeh

    Wonderfully done!

  • Rachael

    Best blog post ever. Thank you for venting the frustrations that most (if not, every) android user must be experiencing in the best way ever! :D

  • pjosh

    whats ifruit?

    • Eli Gaffke

      Google it…

    • Byron Porter

      ifruit is a companion app to the game that lets you customize your vehicle, train Chop (the dog), and other things..You’re asked to train Chop fairly earlier in the game, so not have the app on Android by now kinda sux.

      • Franklin Clinton


  • jamal adam

    Straight up the realest post in a while.

  • BennyJ

    Remember Diablo III PVP? Oh, neither do I.

  • Nathen

    ROTFLMAO. !!!

    Dude , That was the BEST Blog Post I have ever Seen , I laughed so Hard people that I was mentally challenged !! LOL

    I got to save this Post as It is (MasterCard) PRICELESS !

    • JIMMY

      You accidentally a word…

  • pekosROB

    This. Is. AWESOME!

  • breckdroid

    Im with Franklin on this one. Rockstar apparently didnt do their homework on OS market share. If Chop acts out and bites someone, Im blaming Rockstar.

    Solid post. I can always count on AndroidandMe to keep it real.

    • Franklin Clinton

      Lemme get a fist bump, li’l G.

  • SGB101

    Love the game, especially once you meet Trevor, and it turns into Breaking Bad. That’s where I’m upto atm.

    • breckdroid

      I thought the same thing after meeting Trevor. I keep waiting to see the RV parked in the desert or a Los Pollos Hermanos pop up.

      • SGB101

        I’m just blown away by this game . it gets better and better. Shame the format one, is on today, as it’s going to eat in to my GTA time.

        We are not missing out with the app, I tried it last night, 1.its crap 2.ssrvers are overloaded so it kicks you out every few mins

  • David Sumner

    LMAO truth. I was think’n the same thing like a hour ago then seen this =D

  • julian

    Man. Im mad about it to but you know an android app has to be compatible with more phones then ios. With that being said it should have came out already. Im just hoping the android version isn’t called ifruit

    • ElPayasoMalo

      They’ll probably call it “Drone,” since that’s the GTA world’s version of Android.

  • Tom

    Haha! Seriously! I’m boycotting the strip clubs until I get my app!

  • CTown

    That one through me off. Still, it was a funny article. Nice to have you around Franklin. I always felt this website lacked a “Loc’d out dope slangin’ gangsta.”

  • Nathan D.

    If they are going to make one billion in a month, I doubt it about the money.

    • R.S

      In one month?! More like $1,000,000,000 in THREE days.

      Not only do we not get it on Android, but the ios app (or Rock* website) was acting up. Didn’t get it working until yesterday evening. (Had a friend with an iPhone do it)

  • joseph

    Your chart is really out of date. Andriod smartphones now have 80% marketshare.

  • Artomoz

    Hahaha!Made me feel better.

  • Jason

    A – frickin – Men. I too am pissed off.

  • Chig

    This Blogger is the “Da Vinci” of all bloggers, a true artist. All blogs should definitely have this articulate approach.

  • Humberto Hernandez Goitia

    So Ramdom xD it Like it

  • Broseph Stalin

    Does it work on iOS though? Rockstar’s servers are dead, and I think that’s how it’s gonna be until October.
    I’m guessing they’re getting the Android out on the same day as GTA Online.

    • ElPayasoMalo

      Which will suck big time, because the application allows you to reserve custom license plates, but apparently Apple users have dibs on them all.

  • Trevor Philips

    Them rockstar games pricks are playing a fool on us. Let’s plan a heist on their money

    • Jimmy De Santa

      Yo Trev, sup man? You on here also?

  • Jimmy De Santa

    Dis post got me laid. My dad’ll be proud of yo guyz.


    • Lamar Davis

      Maaan, this got me all to’ up. When they gon’ recognize the devices? Ima sic chop on ‘em if they don’ get on that soon.
      Also when they gona get it up on dat iFruit? App called iFruit and I can’t put it on my iFruit fone? messed up bunch of people over der.

  • Amanda

    The reason they realeased it to apple first is because lots of people are swichting phones, and apple needs to even the score, there for, having the exclusive app ifruit puts them right where they want to. It’s all bussiness people.

  • Chris

    Hate to dampen the mood a little here, but something needs clearing up.
    Firstly, let me make it clear that I am an Android owner, and wouldn’t touch anything by Apple with a barge pole.
    Now, the reason iPhone gets all/most apps first is simple. 1 operating system, on 1 phone made by 1 company.
    Now take a look at the Android market. Exactly how many companies make phones using the the Android OS? How many phones have each of these companies made using Android OS?

    In order to be successful, any app or game has got to work flawlessly on all OS, and ALL devices.

    Now with those figures in mind, if you where going to make an app, which seems like the easier, and quicker option?

  • bigmixxx

    Thugs use iPhones.

  • benseman

    I hear u, bro

  • TruFactz

    Well, he sure has a voice.

  • JQuest81

    I just read this today. Hands down this is one of the best satire pieces I’ve ever read. I laughed my ass off.

    Well played, sir. Well played!

  • donger

    GTA V is impressive.

  • herbivore83

    As an Android enthusiast with an iPad, you guys haven’t missed out on much yet. The app fails to connect to Rockstar 80% of the time. Several times I have successfully connected, only to find out nothing I’ve done has been saved. It has been a pain in the ass and I have uninstalled the app until R* gets their shit together. I would like to use it and it’s hard to avoid since they push it on you all the time, but it’s unusable junk right now.

  • 3DGansta

    Man This shit is Bullshit,FUCK THEM APPLES MAN!!!!

  • Cleebie

    Maybe if Google did android updates like Apple does there would probably already be a android app. There’s only 1 apple IOS and many Android versions that would have to be compatible.

    • Bpear96

      There is really no need for any 4.0+ only features in an app like this. Just make the app 2.3 compatible (which can still look nice and holo style if you know what your doing) and it will run on 90+% of android devices people are using.

  • Chop’s Turd

    Chop has got to drop some of my foul brothers at Rockstar’s workplace everyday till they get that app up. Maybe then they’ll know just how bad Franklin has it.

  • Grand Theft Anal

    Hey Franklin good punctuation with bad grammar does not compute

    • KKK

      Exactly. That’s why this article is sh**.

  • beastboy

    Sixy-eight-point-god-damn-four percent

  • KKK

    I guess it was easier to type like a “gangsta” then as trail or park trash Trevor?

  • Tru Dat

    Blasting hookers till they deliver…that part got me good. Well done.

  • iKoyy

    The best and funniest article I’ve read on this site xD

  • Odie

    I’m wondering if they’ll call the Android app the Drone as that’s how they reference Android in the game. One thing to note, from what I’ve heard, the app itself is no better than garbage in its current state. We really shouldn’t be surprised that iOS got it first, given how commonplace it is to bring something to iOS and then to Android and WIndows later.

    I haven’t heard any commercials taking jabs at the “iPhone,” but Rockstar has no problems bashing Android. One commercial I heard said something to the effect of “Get a Drone, we’re just like the iFruit, we know that because we copied everything it has and claimed it as our own.” That told me everything I needed to know about Rockstar’s outlook on the two OS’s.

    I’ve also noticed that Michael(the rich one) has an iFruit, Franklin(the kid from the hood) has what looks like an S3/S4, and Trevor(the crazy meth-head) has what looks like a phone running Windows Phone 8; not sure if Rockstar’s was trying to make some kind of social commentary or if it’s simply coincidental.

    That being said, really didn’t like the way this article was written. I get that A&M was trying to be funny and satyrical, but to me it come off as somewhat offensive. I know I’ll get downvoted and I guess that’s fine, but I just think that it was in poor taste, especially given that Franklin’s grammer is nowhere near this bad and he doesn’t sound as ignorant. You guys would be more spot on if you claimed that this was Lamar’s article.

    • Teh

      They speak just the same of the iFruit ingame too. Just check out the iFruit website.

      I’ve actually heard nothing of Trevor’s phone ingame however.

      • Erectronics

        Trevor’s phone is a track phone I think.

  • Animate

    This has some humor to it but for some reason I am offended by this.

    • Who gives a f**k?

      I am offended by you being offended.

  • McHunt

    This is why I still am and will always be a TOSser.

  • shittyarticleman

    What the hell is wrong with you. are you a retard?

  • Jimmy Biz

    I hear all comments an I can truthfully say… The app does not enhance the game, great I taught chop to give me paw but if I wanted to do that I’d buy a tamagochi…. An yeah I can do my cars up on the move…..???? But hang on wouldn’t I be driving?? An if I wasn’t when I load the game I’ve still got to drive it to the garage to put the upgrades on it, so if I’m already there I could do it then……? Plus all upgrades are not there so you end up with doing half a car an finishing it off when you get there anyway… I have an android phone an love it but have an iPod touch. I too believe rockstar made a big mistake segregating people like that.. but alas the natural divide that is society… Don’t be upset android users it’s all a big pile of kaka anyway!!! Franklin you’re the man :)

  • fool

    Agree with the essence of this rant, but not with the language, and with the name-calling against Mac- and Apple-users. Makes you look like a fool!

  • AndroidAndFreak

    Please check out my new Android blog let me know your opinion.

  • flawda

    Rite im piss about this shit too !!!!! Fuck apple n they momma lol

  • Donny

    I laughed soo hard reading this but its true all the time thwy spent making the game they decide to pick up the slack and work on androids app on the release date. Thats some bull right there.

  • aisea

    LMAO This is the realist shit ive ever read. Legit gansta venting right here

  • OJ